Numbers Christmas Party


It’s the numbers Christmas party. After a year of being added, subtracted, multiplied and divided by millions of schoolchildren, bothered by accountants and misused by politicians, the time has come for them to share a few drinks and let their hair down …

Twelve and Six were lurking in the corner, spitefully passing judgement on their peers. Seeing number Thirteen, Six turned to Twelve and whispered, a little too loudly, “he’s a bit odd.” “She’s a bit top heavy” sneered Twelve as Three over Two sauntered past. “Ooh, look at Sixteen” sniped Twelve. “He’s such a square.”

“I’m fed up of that pair taking the mick out of us” complained Three to Five, “Let’s get even.” “Yeah, let’s” agreed Five, so they added together.

The drink continued to flow. Some numbers got more jolly, some more maudlin. Romances blossomed, some ended.

“You’re so irrational” cried Eleven at her boyfriend, before storming off into the night. “It’s just the way I am” shrugged Root Two, before knocking back another shot. (Root Two would eventually wake up three days later, with only a vague memory of the events of that night. He resolved to change his ways and in the new year he squared himself and lived a predictable, rational life from that moment on.)

Minus One had been collared by the big boss, Number One. “Why are you always so negative?” He questioned.

Fourteen was a happy drunk. Arms round Two and Seven he persisted in telling them: “you are my prime factors. I love you guys.”

Root Minus One was all on her own, upset, again, and crying into her glass: “Why does no one ever notice me? It’s as if I’m imaginary.” Whilst Three + Two i was holding court,showing off to a group of admiring small integers: “No one understands me, I’m so complex.”

Fifteen looked longing on at a small group, containing Six, Twenty Eight, and Four Hundred and Ninety Six. “They’re so cool, just so, so … perfect” she sighed, to no one in particular.

Eight had always been rather full of himself. As the evening wore on he drunk more and more, droned on to anyone and everyone about how important he was and, shortly before midnight, keeled over onto his side, and became infinity.

At this point, Zero spotted a fight between the Prime and Square numbers. He tried to divide them but this just led to all the numbers vanishing in a puff of smoke.

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